Outta myself

I don’t wanna know, wat up, wid dis game

Cuz I don’t need no fame, no not shame

Lyf tried to tame,  but I be da same.

Cuz I am, der to say Lord’s name.

Dey tried to put me down beneath the ground,

But I landed perfectly sounded lyk I intended.

Yea, dat was a ma intention to b unda cova,

U kno wat? I feel completely secure wen m down wid nothing to loose,

I get da freedom to do wat dey don’t want me to do, dough.

I don’t need u to feel ma flow, cuz m on da go,

To make maself feel so low,

Unfortunately, dats ma lullaby, yo.

Dat’s ok, cuz I don’t know, until I get da blow,

Wid dat all growling  Metal heads around me,

Makes ma lil’ rap thing flee, see, ma baby, who made me free,

Wasn’t enough of dat s***.

N for sure it woke me up into a different world,

Where I find m da only one to smile, even tough it’s fake,

Tryna b da happiest person out der, I try to take ma pain away dat I make, for ma own sake.

I don’t wanna find maself wer m I slipin,

Cuz I m slipin….Slipin…flipin….creepin……outta maself.

 ~~~         ~~~~~~~~~      ~~~~

U kno I can’t find maself ….outta maself….

N I lyk bein maself ……outta maself….

See, I can’t find meh, but I kno dat,

For I m …..outta maself. 

 ~~~~~~~~~~   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I feel m callin maself inside out “wer r u?”

I m wer I m, I say, “wer da hell r u?”

Ma consciene always tell meh dat ma fren should make his way up,

He made his way up until he got all da attention, which messed him up.

Den he tried to fall,

But he din’t get any way at all,

Da world seems so small,

Fortunately, he gotta lord’s name to call, so he fell,

But m da one who’s fallen, yea it’s meh who’s fallen.

It’s kinda hard for meh to imagine dat m nowhere,

Cuz I can’t find maself holdin ma own flag ova.

Feelin da way I feel I feel maself unda

Above gave meh strength he wanna,

Wanna watch da game play by such a playa,

N I played, I played til I saw whole lotta hell raisa.

Yea, it’s raisa pulling meh down,

Tryna make meh lyk dey own,

So dat dey can make demselve peacefully mourn,

But I’ ma b on ma way on n on.

N I’ll b stayin….livin….playin…same game ova n ova again.

!!!END!!! 2/9/9

Feel

Yea… this life has gotta wings to fly,

Human beings are in search of wings,

And it’s hard to get it.

Ha!

It’s just like…..

It’s just like this…. 

This is not the one I expect,

But this is the great contest,

Though between the ears there’s difference,

Nobody feels how hard the interference

Is, cause’ there’s fate over that fence,

And I guess its all for defense,

Girl! U consider yourself the beauty,

Hey! That’s not the one; I must say you are simply a lady.

To whom I consider as I am crazy,

Damn! This is just a piece of lazy,

And its time for pain to kill,

No, no, no, no, not by pill,

It’s just to bow n appeal,

That way, you would make me feel.

There you stand with another guy n say,

“I’ve nothing left for u to pay”,

And I just lead to another way,

Just to make your day.

~~~  ~~~

Here we are again,

Doing it, taking us,

The time to return to simplicity,

The bread represents the work,

Which I never ever turn my back on,

Water is my trophy.

And every time I ask myself for

More sweat, more effort,

To improve the ideas implemented.

Everything can be overcome n be elevated

To a step higher in the sky

Where the common people take their footsteps high

Hold it! It’s just a way to take u by,

Can’t get to know about you

What you do, where you go,

Come on! Here listen n know

The feel that’s so low.

Whenever I feel lonely, I guess it’s all over,

For, I wanted us to be together forever.

But you never know, we may come n go,

And you would never let your feeling show.

So sad, it’s so sad that saturation,

It has more motion.

And we are no perfect,

That’s the universal fact.

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

From the nothing comes everything,

And everything becomes nothing

And I don’t understand that nothing,

Cause’ my heart goes through confusion,

 For I getta be prepared for this session

That’s just to confess

And my love for u is gonna be less.

Hiding somewhere in my mind,

I guess someday, someway I may find.

Last night, you looked into my eyes

For a while and said goodbye,

But never mind.

This is B.H.U.T.A.N.

Where, we belong together to this homeland.

Yea…

It’s hard to live these desperate days,

No matter what, it’s good to have an alternative ways.

God grant her for a sacrifice,

So she has a better life.

~~~     ~~~~~

Only thing I wanted…….. to know

Is just an answer………… to a question?

Why do you always hate…… the loved ones?

Ha!

                                                                                                                    July/2008.

Miss Me!

Wherever you are, however you are,

I guess you are reading this.

 ~~~            ~~~~

I Can't hear the voice of you,

Only thing i wanted to hear  now,

Is your scream,

why don't you scream like you have got pierced,

If not you are on verge of falling from a 34m edge,

Cuz' your sound would make me feel like am floating in the air,

And you would never know the reason for me to wait for your scream,

That's all about how am missing u like i never did.

You know i miss you like i do,

 so why don't you take this damn initiation on your dump head to miss me,

You never miss me,

So that's what am supposed to be,

Like i dint have anything to miss, i miss you.

So take this time of life to hear all the bullshit of how much i miss you,

Baby, maybe, i dint show you love up to ya expectation,

And this is my confession of my consolation in this desperation to see u mention,

That u remember me so you be in consideration of your attention that's outta my imagination and my appreciation,

Wanna see you taking precaution of my caution of our civilization in this interaction,

Your Location rendering vibration leads creation of awareness in the direction of saturation. Yea.

 ~~~   ~~~        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The times we spent together drags us back to the past,

And i guess be it better if it last,

Cuz this memories fade away silently when we are in our own time,

No matter what you will always be mine,

Waiting for you, i dint know what i was doing or going,

Cuz', i spent all my money on this stupid small things.

All i need is you to miss me more than like i do,

Every time i see your face in the corner of my wallet,

I regret why, why you wouldn't be here instead of this reminiscence picture of ya,

You know I don't remember any bad times we had,

See, you and me, used to quarrel every time on stupid small little things we got,

But now, it doesn't make any sense to me unlike it used to be.

One second gives way to another second driving you away from me.

Am rapping this song for you to see u soon in a something good,

As am drooping down with the dawn due to love hood.

Am trying to give myself a life, that i never had,

Cuz', i know deep inside i wanna cry,

But i never had time to heal myself for your goodbye.

And i guess we are blessed to have each other,

So that together we will cherish forever.

 ~~~~~~~   ~~~~~~~~~~

Where you are, however you are,

Am always incomplete without you.

4/03/09.

Journey to Dehradun

Train journey was a kind of problem for me and my friend, since we haven’t traveled by a train before. Only both of us were leaving for Dehradun with some maps and addresses. We were not so confident but still then we thought we can do it. The journey started from New Allipur Duar Railway station in North Bengal.

          By August 2006, A education consultancy in Bhutan had booked train tickets for us. We were shocked to see the train, so dirty and people sitting everywhere they like, I thought that issuing sit numbers were just for fun. We sat so compact and we could hardly move. We couldn’t imagine consultancy would book such a train for two of us. For us at that time, finding the right train and right sit number so tough. After seeing such a train couldn’t bear a lot surprises rendered upon us by the consultancy. Whatever we thought, it was two days journey to New Delhi and from there we got to catch a bus to Dehradun.

          Train started to move so slowly and gently, I wondered what the next is. It was the food and toilet the next time. Whatever the case is, we had the food and used the toilet. Then the business of the Chaiwalas, Badamwalas, Hermaphrodites, water boys and so on started their business inside the train making a whole lot of noises. My friend and I haven’t talked much; we were kept dump by all those surroundings. We saw huge rats moving on the railway tracks. We saw good trains moving and wondered what if we had booked the sits in that train by ourselves. The train we were moving had only Sleeper Class. Yeah, the weather was hot, it was August.

          By looking at the condition of the train, I thought smoking was okay. So I smoked and paid Rs.400 fine. I told that I was from Sikkim to police officers and I didn’t smoke until I reached New Delhi.

          At night one of us used to stay awake as told by our friends and parents. The passengers without sits, they sleep on the floor and some tend to adjust with stranger passenger. Sense of humor and way they talk seems interesting if we share our sits with them. We got a drunkard in our compartment; he was helpful to let our time pass away with so much fun. He was an ex-army man in Darjeeling. He praised Darjeeling with each and every word possible and there was another guy trying to act like he is from New Delhi speaking Hindi accent of Delhi, he is from North East India though.

          The journey was so noisy, the weather was hot, there were people sleeping on the floor, food was horrible and so on accompanied us all throughout the night. In the day time just the floor was empty and the sits packed. Yeah, we saw the lights of New Delhi. We reached Delhi at night the next day; the train was seven hours late.

          We were looking for Bhutan Embassy in Delhi. We got into an Auto Rickshaw; the driver said that he knows Bhutan Embassy, actually he didn't. He took us around and round, he was searching for Bhutan Embassy so we gave him the address.  We didn’t know that he taking us for a small tour, he was showing all those India Gate, Red Fort, etc., so we insisted him to take us where we are supposed to go. Finally we reached the same spot from where got into the same Auto Rickshaw. We didn’t say anything. He straightly took us to Bhutan Embassy which was so near. Seeing Bhutan Embassy, we got so relieved. We paid huge amount to Auto Rickshaw driver as he demanded.

          To our surprise, we were not allowed to enter the Embassy. We had to explain to the security guard that our relative live inside the embassy, he is out of station right, and his room is left open for us and so on. So finally, the guard let us in. I wondered what if we don’t have someone known inside the Embassy.

          The next day we got to catch bus to Dehradun, although there was train going to Dehradun we preferred travelling by bus. The ticket counter was charging so much from us. They were charging us Rs.700 each for a ticket. By then we knew these people very well, we asked one of their customer and he replied Rs.350 for a ticket to Dehradun. The bus took seven hours to reach Dehradun. We reached at night again and paid higher amount to Auto Rickshaw driver as he demanded and finally managed to reach the college.

          Dehradun is surrounded by small hills all around and is large valley having a preserved environment. It is the state capital of Uttarakhand, the state which is renowned for tourist destination.

PS: No proof read   (2006)

Compiled thoughts (No proper English language used! Explicit Content!)

PS: No Proof Read!    No proper English language used!   Explicit Content!


A Minute Rolla!

Rollin' up with the homies, think she's all that.......
All up in the kool-aid... 24x7....she don't think about nothin' but how many boys she can jump.  She ain't nothin' but a 'dip-set'
Keep it down low...........da hoods consida as a poodle.........  yo doggin' on.
She is on a score some ‘E'...........fiendin fer some cigs right now... fo rizzle.
She's whoobangin........I know these fools wanna catch her riding dirty....
She and da homies got folded last night after the party!
That squirrel over there.........B's ganked that rolla's dime..... in da mist of that bang at B's crib.
When her baby daddy get back, he'll bust you in your grill!
Yo . . .check out homies Mercedes . . . homies ballin! Muppert's whip out a nine and off the chain, Mary Jane.
Look at the size of that nug rolla's up.........a dime so killa...... you o.d.'in.
po....po.... police chasing pimp-daddy........ yo wat up?
Hey dawg- I saw you with dat rolla....Did you tap that a** or what?
Pigeon has a PHD.....She’s always messing up the game.....Homey got the high-five from the skanch queen.
With the smoke that la la......That girl is such a beezy!
Block-baller of benjamins........she has gotta nuts......to BI around.
See those heffas at the game, they all have bootydoo....she's a bop!
Hey dude, what's crackalackin'?" she's always on a move and she's on the list.
All i say is she's creepin' fugly......always perpetratin the hoties.
Nah man, that's bootleg.can't go to the movies, ain't got no bones.
Seems a dime-piece fo sho....... u know da flava.. dat hits up da zeal...
Ay, dawg. Pump yo brakes, she a gold digga...
she is high all da time ...with da weeds of the hoods.
 Peace out!

~~~~~END~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What Happened to me after +2!!!

It was winter of 2006 when I reached Thimphu, I haven’t seen any snow in Thimphu though. I stayed with my uncle. It was the day for the orientation for class 12 pass outs in Changlingmithang, we waited for our turn to come for recruitment to various colleges and institutes. After much hours of wait my turn came and I entered the cell. I showed my documents and they asked me my Citizenship Identity Card, which I have forgotten. I ran back to my uncle’s house and got back with my Citizenship Identity Card. Now, I realized that I wasn’t sure whether I will take up the courses offered, since the course offered was teaching profession which I hate it.

          Lots of thoughts came to my mind, at that time of teenage, my knowledge about the different types of courses were so limited and if explained couldn’t catch up everything. To me most of the courses seemed similar such as Bio Medical, Medical Lab Technology, Microbiology, Pharmacy, etc., these similar courses made me so tensed and puzzled. I thought and consulted with everyone possible over the decision I was going to make, until I met my friend Karma. Even he was wondering what course he will be taking. We talked and discussed and finally came to the decision that we both will take Forestry course, since forestry course was not offered by the government during that year so we took an advantage. I left teaching profession which I even didn’t dreamed of. I thanked god for the decision we made within few minutes and that few minutes determined my life, where am I supposed to go and what I was supposed to be.

          Searching the good and appropriate college was really difficult and searching college and admission through educational consultancy seemed risky. We consulted all the educational consultancies in Thimphu and some students studying in India about the Forestry colleges in India. Still then it seemed so tough to find colleges which offered forestry courses and finally after a very long search we came to know a college in Himachal Pradesh. We applied to that college although the procedure was too long, like obtaining a recommendation letter from the relevant minister and then processing through India House to ICAR (Indian Council of Agriculture Research) and so on. We were waiting for the confirmation of admission but we never received a reply, so we started searching a different college, though we reminded them. We managed to find a college that offers forestry course in Dehradun through a consultancy. The reporting time for both the colleges were so near, the confirmation reply from Himachal was not yet received, so we planned to go to Dehradun.

          We got admission to the college in Dehradun upon the full payment of fees to the consultancy. Hence, we were well prepared for the journey to Dehradun, wondering what Dehradun will be like. I imagined Dehradun will be just like Thimphu.

          Right after everything was settled, the admission confirmation letter from Himachal Pradesh was received saying we can join the university. We decided to stick with the college in Dehradun